Broken

Was captured this morning
Before I went for class
I was having such good mood
I didn't sleep for whole night
Was feeling so unwell
The whole night I barely sleep
Still I can smile
After class
Mom fetched me home
I was really quiet on the way
Tried so hard to control my emotions
Then suddenly I had a fight with mom
Really worse one
That gets me even emo



I don't know why
Why I have to face much hardships?
Stop telling me that I'm sensitive
I'm NOT!
U guys just dunno what happened
Only people who had my experience will understand how I feel



Don't feel like talking
Don't feel like want to do anything
Don't even feel like eating
Lost 2 kg in 1 day.
But I acted like I'm ok
But I am really so NOT OK
Just wanna hide in my world
Let me to be tired
Then I will sleep
So I will not be able to think bout those things
That seriously hurt me


Guys,
Do u guys really know me?
Know what I want?
I'm just trying to mix in
Everything I do
Is to make u guys happy
I even made myself looked silly
I also don't know why
Sometimes when I was alone
thinking back those things
Really regretted so much



What do u guys want?
When I was actively talking,
U guys said I'm making noise
Asked me to shut up
Then when I was quiet,
Everyone ask me why I'm being so quiet
U guys said I have attitude like a princess
I'm not a princess
the way I talk
Very straight forward and direct
Not bcuz I am spoiled
I just don't like to keep secret
I always tell out what's in my mind
I seriously hate hypocrite people




Rarely tears for real in this year
Only three times
One was when argue with mom during 4 months ago
That time was so serious
Till we ignore each other for 2 weeks
One was at hostel
Emotional breakdown
Last is today
I kept telling myself that I'm a tough girl
Still......unable to control
Hated myself
For being so weak
I tried so hard to get tough
But still...I hate being alone





Many people used to tell me that my blog was really emo
Some of them even said that they don't want to see my blog anymore
Cuz I'm like spreading the emo to every visitor
I used to tell them I'll try to not be emo
To my best to not post emo stuff
But this time
I really can't
If u hate my blog
then get lost
don't tell me
This is my blog
I decide what I'm going to post


I hope that
People will like me for who I am
If people really hate me, I don't care
Just don't expect me to be what u want
I'm a human, not a toy



I know there are many people
that really care bout me
Sorry I hurted u guys
I didn't mean to hurt anyone

Sorry
I'm so NOT OK